i_hate_shaq (i_hate_shaq) wrote,

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This is for myself.

I think that I've learned more about myself this summer than I ever have before. And I think that's a good thing, because the more I know about myself before I go away, the better. The more prepared I think I'll be to take on everything that college is going to bring. I've realized that I'm stronger than I think- stronger than everyone else thinks I am, too. A few weeks ago, Justin said to me, "You are a strong woman." And to be honest, I think that is the best compliment that anyone has ever given me. That raised me up so much. Now I know it's true, too. I've handled and dealt with so much, stuff that most people don't even know about. Since last summer, so much has happened, and so much of it I've dealt with on my own.
I've been in love. I've had that love commit a horrible offense. I've been sexually assaulted, and then never told anyone for a year. I've lost friends. I've stepped out of my shell and done a solo hip-hop dance in front of 30 people. I've had unprotected sex. I've travelled farther than I ever have before. I've been- for basically the first time ever- blatantly rejected by someone. I've had my feelings hurt. I've met so many new people. I've taken secret roadtrips to places 3 hours away. I've gotten in fights. I've hooked up with someone I knew for less than a week [and I couldn't be happier about that]. I've had 20 people watch me have sex, which was by far the most embarrassing moment of my entire life. I've cut people out of my life that should have been cut out much sooner. I've stayed up all night more times than I can count. I've been legitimately stalked. I've tried countless exotic foods. I've just...lived.

And so now, I think I'm ready. Because I know that no matter what happens up there in Boston, I am still going to be a strong woman. All the new first experiences I'm going to have are going to be taken in stride. I can do it, I know I can. I'm confident in myself and my abilities, and I know that life here in the manor has prepared me well, even though at the time it just seemed shitty. Today, I had my feelings hurt very badly. And, while they're still very hurt, I know that I can get over it, because I don't need ANYONE who is going to be a jerk to me, no matter how much I think I do. That lesson, along with all the lessons I learned from the experiences mentioned above, are going to help me in life. I know they are. ***The most important one being to close the goddamn window shades if you're gonna get naked.***

This is gonna be an adventure, and I don't know what's gonna happen. But I hope that my friendships with Emily and Rory stay just as strong. I hope I make TONS of new friends. I hope that Justin and I are able to handle the distance (I'm pretty sure we can, we're used to it). I hope that my roommates are AWESOME, even though I'm a tad skeptical about one of them.

I'm ready to show the world who Ashley is, and not hold anything back. No secrets, no lies, just me. Boston College is definitely going to be a better place for it.
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Great site, very impressive.

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Great post! I want to see a follow up to this topic