And aside from all this friend garbage is the fact that the boy that I am FALLING IN LOVE with lives four hours away. That sucks. He makes me feel so incredibley special- like I'm the best girl on the planet. And I really just want to talk about him all the time, but I can't, because everyone would get all, "Oh my God, shut up, you still have a boyfriend, blahblahblah." So that's also caused me to retract more, because I can never say what I WANT to say. Even when I do say stuff- not just about James, but about anything- no one acknowledges me anymore. Like...I finished my story or whatever, and everyone's just like, "Oh. OMG did I tell you about soandso?" Seriously, stop talking about your fucking selves for two seconds and make me feel important and interesting for a few minutes. I know that sounds selfish, but that's not how it's meant. I mean like...whenever you tell a story, even if I've heard it a thousand times and think it's stupid, I at least make the effort to laugh, or ask a question, or coment on SOMETHING about it. But I can only do that so much without getting any recognition in return before I start to get pissy and not want to talk to you anymore. Or...listen to YOU talk, to be more accurate.
Just everything about this place has just become unbearable lately. Like...last year, or even a few months ago, I was afraid to go off to college because I didn't want to leave everything here. Now? I can't fucking wait. I love going up to Boston and whatever because it gets me away from HERE. I don't have to deal with any crap, I can just go and hang out with my friends and feel loved and involved and unconditionally happy. Which is the complete opposite of the way things are for me here at the moment.
I can't decide if everything will get better or worse once school starts. It's going to stop me from seeing my friends from camp as much, which royally sucks. But maybe it'll get me closer to my other friends again? Although, with some of them, I don't know if I WANT to be that close to them anymore, they just seem to annoy me. And, it anyone is reading this, don't ask me who the specific people are that I'm talking about, because I won't tell you.
I don't know, I just feel so awfully and unbearabley depressed and lonely.